Five Second Story - Part 24

Finally out! Man, I was tired of that room! It wasn't that interesting of a room, and the conversation felt like it took a year. All it's been is announcements, talking, conversing with God, and now more announcements. The only fun I've really had so far was punching out Heinrich, kissing Jess, and flying through the corridor of death, not to mention the fact that my best friend was up here with me. Sure, seeing God was awesome, but what have I done so far? I mean, don't get me wrong, but – my thoughts were interrupted by the random entrance of giant God. No big boom or swirl of wind, just "now you don't see me, now you do." Not many people were that surprised (though I heard a few girls shriek), but all shut up and listened.

He looked like the God from Bruce Almighty, not Bruce but, what's his name, Morgan Freeman.

"Ladies and gentlemen," He said, voice echoing as if projected from a loudspeaker, "I have answered your personal questions, however useless they may have been or cryptic the answer. It is now time for answers to a few universal questions not many people asked. For those who did, I told you I'd answer them now." A few people giggled. "Number one: Jesus!"

He held out His hand, palm up, and a man appeared on top of it. He seemed to be in the middle of talking to someone, then he looked down at God's hand, gasped, and got on his knees and bowed. God rolled His eyes.

"Oh, get up will you; I'm not in my true form." Jesus got up, looking confused, and then God tapped his head. He looked dazed for a second, then looked up at God and nodded.

"Go on," said God. As He spoke, I tried to get a better look at Jesus. I couldn't see much from where I was, but I could tell he wasn't white. He was either Arab or, is that Aztec? Mexican? Now I'm really confused.

Jesus spoke, "Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I am Jesus, and I am neither Caucasian nor am I God's son." This caused many murmurings throughout the crowd. He looked annoyed; God was smiling. "C'mon, people!" Jesus continued, "Did you actually believe, truly believe, everything those people in the church tell you? That I was born from a virgin? True. That I was white? False. That I can walk on water? Both true and false. That I can do miracles? False, false, false, false, false! Here's the truth: all my miracles were done by God through my actions, there were rocks under the surface of the water, bamboo poles in some cases – it's an old ninja trick, it comes in handy – and I am not God's son, but a prophet, and a pretty good one at that. All I did was go against the Jewish religion, unexpectedly gain followers, somehow create a new religion, and I got crucified for it. But no, the Almighty doesn't let his prophets die that easily, oh no. He had to bring me back, which made even more people worship me as His holy son! Back then, I was actually good about it, I didn't actually like some points of Judaism, so I said why not? Let's make a new religion! I'd no idea it would become what it is today! And anyway…"

As he blathered on about stuff I had suspected, I spaced out. Man, Jesus liked to talk! Maybe he just wanted to clarify his origins, or something. Now everyone knows he made a religion of idolaters. Whatever, he's done. And poof, he's gone.

"Well," said God, "That was Jesus. I'd say let's give him a round of applause, but he left pretty quickly. Okay then, on to number two: galactic & godly reality. Every world that houses intelligent life has its own God. I am the one God of this world. I have a true name, but my Creations who can speak are unable to form the word. So I chose the first name I was called by a monotheistic religion: Adonai. It is Hebrew, and translates into English as simply, God. It was simple enough. But, I would like you to know that there are other worlds out there, millions of worlds, each with its own God, most by different names. Each world has its own intelligent species, sometimes more than one, sometimes many. You are the first humans to discover this fact, though there are some things that were created on earth that already existed on another planet, species intelligent or otherwise. Some examples are: elves, dwarves, imps, demons, Autobots, Decepticons, wookies, ewoks, some Pokémon, and more. Each world has at least one God, sometimes one per species if there is more than one sentient species on the planet, and each God has at least one religion. Some Gods show themselves to their Creations, thus creating higher worship, but it usually backfires in some way. It is also one of the reasons you should not try to convert citizens of another world to an Earthly religion, if humans ever get out into space and find them! But there is no longer a reason for that."

He smiled. "And this brings us to number three: why you are here. A few of the other Gods have banded together to get their Creations to start a galactic takeover. So far it's working well, and the three worlds have united and mingled. Their policy will be surrender or die, and those who surrender will be ruled with an iron fist, if they do not attempt to join before the invasion of their planet. Some worlds are already divided among themselves, so some may leave the planet before they come. Some of the good species have left the evil worlds. We shall call this evil alliance of worlds the Legion of Doom. The Legion is composed of three evil species: demons, Decepticons, and dragon-men (because we can't pronounce their species' real name, that'll have to do). I also have joined us in an alliance with two other planets; one has yet to be affected, while the other contains both natives and refugees. Earth is now part of the Triforce Alliance!"

People cheered. It was a very cheer-able speech. But I didn't think it was over yet – He never mentioned who we're allied with. Then He continued.

"Okay, okay, quiet down. I expected there to be cheering after My speech, but what the heck. I'm almost done anyway." He cleared His throat. "The species we have allied ourselves with are the elves, dwarves, ewoks, and Autobots. Elves and dwarves are the natives of the planet Zelshun, and the ewoks are of course the natives on Endor. I call it Endor because it's hard to remember the ewoks' name for their planet, which is a planet, not a moon of a gaseous planet. Though it seems unlikely, the Autobots, fleeing from their home-world, have taken refuge on Endor – and the ewoks welcomed them! The Autobots are our savior in this, as they are the only species so far to accomplish interplanetary travel, in our Alliance, though I believe the elves are quite close. However mechanical they may be, they are still living beings and can think for themselves."

He paused, looked around, and smiled. "Well, now that the current events are clear, onto what you'll be doing. First, you shall go through an obstacle course to test your normal skills, with a twist. Next, you will gain strength and face a challenge where that strength is necessary. Then you will gain another ability, the same for everyone, and go through a situation to test it, however long it may be. After that, you will form teams of three and face more challenges, each resulting in at least one team member gaining a power, these unique to the others, which will be used for the next challenge. You will gain a total of two similar if not uniform powers and two unique ones by the end of your journey. At the end of every challenge, some competitors or teams of competitors will be eliminated based on time and strategy. You'll know you were eliminated because you'll be sucked into a dark pit that opens up under you. Well, how about we start then, hmm?"